BREAKING THE CYCLE OF VIOLENCE

No matter which act occurs, it’s not the survivor’s fault that they were assaulted—and help is available to begin healing from such abuse.  Force doesn’t always refer to physical pressure. Perpetrators may use emotional coercion, psychological force, or manipulation to coerce a victim into non-consensual sex. Some perpetrators will use threats to force a victim to comply, such as threatening to hurt the victim or their family or other intimidation tactics.

Sexual violence can happen to anyone, men, women and children of all ages, races, gender, sexual identity, religion and economic classes. Sexual assault victims often feel isolated or ashamed and often do not report an attack. It is never the victim’s fault.

• 90 percent of victims know the person who sexually assaulted them.
• 1 in 6 men will experience sexual assault in their lifetime; sexual assault of men is thought to be greatly unreported.
• 1 in 3 transgender and gender non-conforming people experience sexual violence.
• 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 5 boys will be sexually assaulted by the time they are 18.
• A rape or attempted rape occurs every 5 minutes in the United States.

 Common Signs Of Sexual Abuse

• Unwanted touching.
• Rape: actual or attempted unwanted vaginal, oral, or anal penetration by an object or body part.
• Forcing or manipulating you into doing unwanted, painful or degrading acts during intercourse.
• Taking advantage of you while you’re drunk or otherwise not likely to give consent.
• Denying you contraception or protection against sexually transmitted diseases.
• Taking any kind of sexual pictures or film of you without your consent.
• Forcing you to perform sexual acts on film or in person for money.
• Threatening to break up with you if you refuse sex.
• Anxiety about specific situations that didn’t previously prompt anxiety
• Avoiding specific people or places
• Persistent sadness or depression
• Low self-esteem
• Disturbed sleep or nightmares
• Self-harming behaviors
• Suicidal thoughts
• New sexually transmitted infections

(rainn.org) 

(psychologytoday.com)

(centerforfamilyjustice.org)

Sexual assault often remains hidden due to a combination of denial, manipulation, and confusion. Victims of sexual assault may not report due to fear of retaliation, fear of not being believed, or fear of further experiencing the trauma. They may struggle with shame and consequently blame themselves for being “in the wrong place” or not “getting away.”

Victims also must contend with the cognitive biases that inform others’ beliefs when disclosing an assault. People want to believe that the world is a safe place, and it may be psychologically easier to blame the victim than to accept that sudden abuse could happen to anyone.

People may also believe that perpetrators are inherently evil, so allegations against individuals who others state to be nice people are not taken seriously. These biases and others fuel the cycle of victim-blaming that makes it difficult for survivors to come forth after an assault.

But when survivors do decide to come forward, unwavering support from friends and family members can help them process the experience and move forward. 

The most important thing to do is to simply listen and believe your loved ones. Validate their emotions, ask questions, and avoid casting judgment. Help them explore options and resources, such as seeking medical attention, reporting the crime, calling an abuse hotline, or seeking therapy. Although you may have strong opinions, set those aside—the survivor should make every decision for themselves when they feel ready to do so.  

• Respect the victim/survivor’s need for privacy. If the victim/survivor needs to be alone, respect that decision.
• Do not suggest that the victim/survivor “move on” with their life and forget about the assault. The victim/survivor needs the opportunity to work through the trauma of the assault and begin the healing process.
• Respect the victim/survivor’s right to decide whether or not to report the assault to the police.
• Remember to take care of yourself and seek support if you need it. You will be better able to support the victim/survivor.

(psychologytoday.com)

(centerforfamilyjustice.org)